Monday, April 2, 2012

More Jokes

I'm unusually tired after my Monday, and sitting here posting more jokes sounds like just the thing to do.

From Andrea:

At a convent in Ireland, the 92-year-old Mother Superior was in her last few days of life. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her final journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.  One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.  Back at Mother Superior's bedside, she held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.
"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."
She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "Don't sell that cow!"

From Annie:

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on a lonesome Texas prarie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."

The second cowboy can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattlesnake slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, silently stirring the coals with his hands.

From a University of Texas Longhorn:

Q:  What happens when a Texas Aggie moves to Oklahoma?

A:  It raises the average IQ of both states!

From an accountant's spouse:

A lady goes to see her doctor with some serious symptoms. After examining her, he says, "I'm terribly sorry to tell you this, but you only have six months to live." The terrified lady asks, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"   The doctor says, "I advise you to marry a CPA." "Will that make me live longer?", she asks, hopefully. "No, " says the doctor. "But it will seem longer."

1 comment:

  1. Too funny! I needed that too! It's been a long, long week, but Spring Fling is nearing!!!!